Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
