I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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