I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
