It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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