So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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