I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
