Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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