Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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