no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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