4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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