yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
