this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
