Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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