I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
