I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
i out mim tonsoeep
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