I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
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