I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
