Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
