You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i think i have two assholes
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize