It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
