So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Randomize
