You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
