i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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