My hand turned me down
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
