And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize