I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
