Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize