we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I need to sanitize my soul.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
