Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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