i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
