It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
