i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
