All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
