go do what you do best...puke behind churches
You smell like stripper and shame
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
