you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
