We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
