Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
