Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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