Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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