you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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