It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
