please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
