Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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