Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
