i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
