Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
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