Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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