Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
