I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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