you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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