god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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