can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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