I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Randomize
