i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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