I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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