Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
