He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
