I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Where is the hickey?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize