Can Purell be used as lube?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Randomize
