Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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