The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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