My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize