Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
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