You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Im just a social blackout drinker.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
