my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
