he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Randomize
