I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
