I hope my margaritas pass through security.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
