we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
