at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
