I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
