We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
