what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
