I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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