I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
